soul revolution.

Just yesterday I began reading Soul Revolution by John Burke. The book was graciously given to me as a gift from two people whom I have grown to love and be very thankful for. Burke, the author of the book was one of the many inspiring speakers from the Leadership Summit which I attended last week. During his talk at the Summit, John Burke made mention of his book Soul Revolution along with an experiment that he tried in his church. 60/60. It's so simple-- set a watch or some kind of alarm to remind you once an hour to get connected to God. Wherever you are, whether you say it silently to yourself, scream it off of a rooftop or write it down, just get connected. Now do this for 60 days. Along the way, he had the members of his church share with each other the results after journaling on their own about it. Now there is an entire blog site dedicated to it at http://www.soulrevolution.net/ (check it out!)

Now I know that I said I just started reading the book yesterday.. and that I have just wholeheartedly commited to the experiment today, but I have to tell you that since the Summit, I can't help but be in somewhat constant conversation with Him. I don't think I could avoid it if I tried and that is so comforting. It has not even been a week since the Leadership Summit but I have been changed and there is no doubt about it. When we cling to Him and set our focus on His love we begin to view life in a whole new way.

Just yesterday when starting to read the book, John Burke suggests an exercise for us to learn the deepest desires of our hearts. One of the things that I wrote was to be accepted and respected by my sister (who has always been my best friend and we have had a tough summer together due to change being difficult to accept). Now the next part of this exercise was to try and decide if our deepest desires were those in God's heart. I had a few that I knew would definitely make His list, a few that I knew would NEVER make the list, and then a couple like the one about my sister-- ones that I want to believe would be important to Him since He wants us to be happy, but they also aren't what I believe to be His biggest concerns. In any event, after no prompting of the conversation, I got a series of text messages from my sister telling me that she loves me so much and is proud of all that I stand for. That she never meant to make me upset and that no matter how much I change, she will never leave me.

Wow. After a summer of tough discussions and feeling partly shunned by her, it was cleared up and healed. He sealed the deal within a matter of minutes and about 5 text messages (thank God for cell phones ;) ). And that is only one testimony to how I have seen Him in this past week.

Really guys, for all maybe 10 of you who read this (and that is being hopeful), I strongly encourage you to try this "experiment" and to read Soul Revolution. "I pray that whether a seasoned follower of Christ or a skeptic with just an ounce of willingness, that you will devote sixty days to see for yourself."

Do I think that I will connect every hour for the next 60 days? Of course not..it is all a process.. the idea is based on an ideal and we all know that we fall short of those. However, I pray that as the days go on I can get closer and closer and connect more often until it becomes a natural way for me.

Please, I am begging you to give it a try.. you won't be disappointed.

She gets it.

A fifteen your old girl, truly in love with her boyfriend of over a year, gives up something that should have been saved but she did not know better-- she had not been following Christ at this time and other than "mom probably wouldn't be happy" she found no reason to say no.

A seventeen year old young woman finds herself with a different boyfriend, this time of over three years. They were voted class couple, had taken vacations together, rarely ever fought and were making plans to get married after college. It only seemed obvious that they would give themselves to each other.

A nineteen year old just starting her second year of college finds herself struggling with the freedom of being single. She is running wild and doing what she wants when she wants because she wants.

A twenty year old, enlightened, saved, thankful woman finds herself struggling with doing what she knows is right. She has been touched by God's grace and become devoted to Him and His son Jesus. His word clearly tells her that she should not be giving her body away until marriage. She just can't seem to comprehend and wants to know "Why?" and "What if it feels right?" and "But how far can I go?"

She sits here after an extremely powerful message at SPCC and she gets it. She understands why not only it is right, but it is wise to save herself. She can't take back her past, but she can move forward. She may have been struggling with repeated sin in this area, but it is not an unforgivable one. God created this woman to be something so much more than she even imagines. Not to become distracted by sex and by men who just lust after her. Not to give into temptation from the evil one and lose her faith momentarily after doing so.

She gets it. There is a man out there who she will someday meet, and they will delight in each other. He will be fine with her telling him, "Hugging, kissing and holding hands, long walks and deep talks.. that is just right for us right now."

She gets it.

High Heels for Kids and Big Birthday Cakes.

This story is simply one of the cutest things I have ever heard. I think it belongs in one of those "Kids Say the Darndest Things" books. I have been working with kids for years-- babysitting for 7 years and I worked as a teacher for Pre-K for 3 years. I thought I had heard it all.

Until... Alexa said something that I thought was just too cute today.

Her 4 year old sister was in her car seat looking out the window at the clouds and said "Chelsea? Is Heaven just a big cloud?" I answered her by telling her that I think Heaven is up above the clouds and where we get to meet God and Jesus. I then asked her sister Alexa, "Lex- what do you think Heaven is like?"

Alexa: (7 years 0ld): I think it is everything you have ever dreamed of. Like high heels for kids and big birthday cakes on your birthday.

Too cute.

"Because I said So"

Ever have a parent or teacher ask you or tell you to do something and their reasoning for why is "Because I said so!!"? Something like- "please be home by 10", "clean the bathroom" or "go outside and help your sister". Then of course we always would ask "Awwww why?" and the response would be "Because I said so!" either being yelled or just said with a simple shrug of the shoulders as though parents had absolute authority over every single thing we did. Who would have thought!

I remember mouthing back to me mom "Because isn't even a reason." or "I'm not doing anything unless you tell me why I need to." Oh was I fresh. Sometimes, I was justified in asking why. Other times, my mom was justified in giving her reason of "Because I said so." and answering back to my questions with "I don't need a reason-- just do it."

How many of you are thinking back to those days and laughing? Or perhaps still holding a grudge for some of those things you had to do? ;)

As some of you may know, I love children and was a teacher at a daycare for 3 years and now babysit for a few different families. I can still remember the first time I pulled out the "Because I said so" card. Johnny Pasko, a 5 year old in my class was being awfully fresh during a circle time one day when I asked him to please get up and sit in a chair away from the class. He got in my face and said "Whyy Miss Chelsea?" I tried to explain to him that he was disrupting the story and the songs and that he needed to take some time away from the group and he returned that with a, "But they think it's funny Miss Chelsea, Tori was laughing at me before. So why do I need to go sit down?" Frustrated, but humored at the same time that I was letting this little boy dance around me in circles, I quickly spit out, "You need to go sit down because I said so." I can also remember instantly wanting to cover my mouth and gasp, "Chels!! When you were young you'd swore you would never use that because mom did and you hated it!"

Isn't it great how as we become older we really do say and do a lot of the things to children we promised ourselves we wouldn't because when our parents did they just seemed so unfair.

"Because I said so."

In yesterday's message at SPCC, I realized just how valid this phrase can be. I have been trying to get in the word more often lately and through this, conversations with those I have fellowship with and the messages at St. Pauls, I have a pretty good idea of the things that I should and should not be doing. Though the focus at SPCC is not primarily the "don'ts" and rather concentrates on the "go for it's!" and the "you can do it's!", it is important to remember what God has taught us through His word.

There have been a few concepts that have left me struggling with the question. "Whyyy? This doesn't make much sense right now." But the message yesterday gave just the right answer. Why should we listen to all that God has told us and is telling us? Because He said so and he is working in ways that we won't understand until long after big things happen, if we are lucky enough to open our eyes to fully see them later. He is doing things for us everyday in our lives in return for our obedience to Him.

So even if I don't fully understand why, or I don't understand why at all, God is asking me to do something, I will try my best to just do it anyway; wholeheartedly and with no doubts that He won't come through for me the way He has been.

Sometimes "Because I said so" is the only explanation there is-- if the real reason is revealed, we may never take those first steps for the fear of failure, embarassment, discouragement or being overwhelmed or challenged. With a complete explanation we may just look at it and say, "Ummm, no thanks- not for me." But let's leap- let's just do it, because He says so.

Wonderful Service

I woke up this morning excited that it was Sunday, meaning that it was St. Paul's day :). People often think that I am crazy for driving over an hour to church, but tonight just reinforced the reason I do it.

God and his son Jesus Christ. The people. My friends. The smiles. The hope. The music. The message. Ben's encouraging words. Heartfelt prayer. Everyone around me clapping to the beautiful worship songs. The smiles. And of course the tears. The coffee and fellowship afterwards. The sharing of summer stories. The awesome worship on the car ride home that was inspired by everything previously listed.

I think I would drive a lot farther for these things if I needed to. So here is a big thank you to everyone at St. Paul's. To Gordie, Chris, Maurice and the rest of the First Impressions team, to Ashley who sat next to me and reached out to get to know me more, to Nathan for always encouraging me and being such a great friend to me, to Steve for offering help in finding me a new car, to the first time visitors from Eastern for reminding me that it never hurts to extend an invitation, to Emily for her warming smile and to Ben and Steve for their beautiful words through God.

Thank you. THANK GOD.

a bit broken

I feel as though I have been doing great things for myself, and in turn for other people. So why is it that the person I love most in this world feels pushed away by me? I am not going to blame anyone, because I don't believe in that 99% of the time. I will however attribute it to a few things. (1) People are resistant to change-- it is a fact, and a difficult one to deal with. (2) I can have an over-bearing personality at times and although I am aware of it and try to keep a close watch, it can get the best of me. (3) God is a touchy subject. I pray everyday that God will help me to learn how to handle resistance and doubt and negative talk about the church. I praise Jesus for getting through ALL that he did in these areas and much much more.

I am just temporarily broken with the fear that I am going to lose my absolute best friend, the birthday present I received on my 2nd birthday, the high school senior that I will watch graduate this Sunday.. I can't lose her.

What if.

"What if I climbed that mountain, what if I swam to that shore

What if every battle was victorious then would you love me more, would you love me more

What if I were everyone’s first choice, what if I went farther than before

What if I stood high above the rest than would you love me more , would you love me more"

The above lyrics are from the song "What If" by Jadon Lavik. I came across this song while listening to "95.5 The Fish" online. The first words "what if" flooded my mind and brought a smile to my face. It has become somewhat of a theme for my thoughts over the past month or so. As you can see, if you scroll down a bit on my blog page- there are a list of "what ifs". I have also posted about a few of them over the past few weeks, journaled a lot about it and been praying that I can see God in a new way each day that I implement a new "what if".

This song, however, takes a different look at the power of "what if". Instead of using it as a phrase to suggest endless possibilities for change, it is used to discuss the limits of God's love. The trick- there are no limits to His love. If we climbed every mountain, swam to every shore, won every battle, etc.-- God would not love us more. Why? Because he can't. He already loves us with all that He can. It is an unconditional love greater than any other. A love that I am so thankful, every single day to be covered in.

The lyrics go on to say:

"What if I ignored the hand that fed me, what if I forgot to confess

What if I stumbled down that mountain then would you love me less, Lord would you love me less

What if I were everyones last choice what if I mixed in with the rest

What if I failed what I passed before then would you love me less, Lord would you would you love me less"

Again, "what if" is used to show that, no matter what the circumstance, the Lord will not love you less. Yes, we are all sinners, none of us are even close to perfect, but when we live by His law, when we love ourselves and one another, He loves us. We are going to fail, time and time again, but we are still supported by His love.

What if we all opened our eyes, tuned our ears and surrendered our hearts to this love? Would there be any limits?

What if...

"Write them on the doorframes"

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bing them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
-Deuteronomy 6:6-9.



Above is a picture taken at the Easter Service at St. Paul's. Out of the many messages written on the doorframe that day, mine was caught in a picture, that I currently have as my desktop and can remind myself of everyday. That day I prayed as I walked through the door that once I crossed to the other side that I would be able to open my eyes to see God's grace in helping me to love my enemies. I used the word enemies loosely to mean anyone I am against in anyway at anytime, rather than the literal definition: a person who feels hatred for, fosters harmful designs against, or engages in antagonistic activities against another; an adversary or opponent.

It has been almost two months since Easter, since I walked through the door and prayed for help in this area. All I can say is that I have seen God helping me to do this on a daily basis. I am becoming less judgmental by the day, I have better control over keeping certain opinions to myself, I avoid unnecessary conflict at all costs. While these things are helpful, they are not really loving, which is what I prayed for. But don't worry your hearts, God has obviously gone above and beyond in this area as well. In helping me to mend broken relationships, help those whom are in need (no matter what my previous view of them was) and to exercise both patience and compassion in situations I never thought it was imaginable.

At first, when the symbolism of walking through the door was brought up, I was unsure how effective it would be. But again, this goes to show that beauty will rain down on us if we just believe.

What if we loved our enemies?

I don't know how I am going to do this.

I have been looking forward to today for weeks. I would be going home to spend the day with Mom and Ash for Mother's Day. Those two ladies are my life and I love them with all of my heart. I have been missing them like crazy lately.

I got home around noon, gave mom her gift and then Ash and I took her to People's Forest for a picnic in the beautiful sunshine. Somehow, the conversation turned to money as it usually does and I was fed up. My car is broken again and desperately needs to be fixed, my dentist bill came in, my credit card bill is due soon and I need to start paying for car insurance again when I go home for the summer. Ahhhh! I am often very frustrated with the whole idea of money, especially the fact that I just don't have much of it to pay for the things I need to pay for. However, I was more frustrated that the day I had been so excited about had been casted over by a cloud of negativity.

Since I have accepted God into my life and begun to follow Jesus, I haven't been around my family much. They are still in awe that I am going to church and they haven't really seen the change and growth in me.

I felt like all of a sudden I didn't fit in with my family anymore. I felt like this summer is going to be very difficult. My mom was acting supportive of me and asking me about St. Paul's but then told me that she wants me to find a church near home because I shouldn't be driving out there every weekend. I told her that I was going to commute to St. Paul's because I love it there and have found a sense of family in that church. When it came to my sister, she kind of gave me the "where is my sister and what have you done with her" attitude. She was not mean to me or anything, just kept saying that it was so weird that I go to church and that she didn't want to come with me.

I don't know how I am going to do this. I have no idea how I am going to move through this summer. I will not just go through the motions that those at home expect of me. Going to work, eating dinner, going out to play pong at my friend's houses everynight. I refuse to just walk through the mundane parts of a day for the entire summer.

I will continue this walk that I started a few months ago. I will spend a lot of time reading and reflecting, listening to those who will talk and talking to those who will listen. I will appreciate each day that I am given and look through the hard times at the lessons that need to be learned. I will continue to grow and prepetuate unconditional love. I just really hope that I am able to open up my eyes everyday and see God in all that I do, because this summer is really going to be a challenge.

So, at the beginning of this post, I had no idea how I would do this, and I have since proposed some ideas for what I hope to do. That is one of the many things I love about blogging, journaling, having a talk with yourself, or a talk with God-- you usually come up with a possible solution or two, which is very very comforting.

Please leave suggestions as to how you think I can make this summer even more positive in spite of all of the resistance from others. I could really use your help. Thank you.

Alone? I think not.

“What can I do for you. What questions do you have?” One of my closest friends asked me this last night when we were just hanging out, getting into the word and journaling a bit. “Umm, nothing really. I think that as I continue reading the bible that I will have questions. And I have yet come to that place in my journey where I have any doubts or major struggles.” That was my response.

It was like God heard me and chuckled a little and realized that maybe I better get a quick look at the not so beautiful. “Today” started with me praying before bed that my hours of rest would rejuvenate me and help me to prepare for the rest of the day. I woke up and prayed that I would see God in more parts of my day than I had in the previous. It started off great. I enjoyed the beautiful weather, worked on the Better World Books service project and went out with Mae for a bit. Then I had class and shortly after that headed to Lyon Manor with my PHP friends.

This is where it gets weird. I love community service. I love my PHPeople. I love playing UNO with the residents of Lyon Manor. I love seeing the smiles on their faces that I can picture usually looking much sadder. I love the feeling of helping others. Yet, I was not happy. I was not feeling loving. I felt cold and angry and annoyed.

The worst part- I had no idea why. I got on the van and came back to campus the same way. People were in the back seat dancing and singing and having a great time and I was praying, asking for an answer as to why in the world I couldn’t get a smile on my face and stop acting so ridiculous.

I opened the door to my room, fell onto my bed and wept. Again- with no idea why. I stayed on my bed like this for a long time. Wondering why.

All of a sudden, an immense feeling of loneliness came over me. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to hug. Nobody to hold me. Just nobody. I contemplated just crawling under my covers and crying until I fell asleep, but something inside me told me get up and get out.

I went to the Student Center where they serve pancakes every Thursday night. I brought along a book and my journal, figuring that I would just get something to eat and sit alone reading and writing. (Usually I look forward to this, but tonight it was more just to keep my busy). I walked into the Café reluctantly, and the first thing I saw was Andrew’s smiling face. He greeted me with a huge hug and from there, we really enjoyed the night together. I saw God in this moment, in a big way.

Looking back (even though it was just earlier tonight), do I think that this was a huge struggle? No, not really. Was it difficult to feel angry and very upset and not no why? Yes, extremely.

It’s as though God just wanted to show me that it’s not always going to be rainbows and butterflies, and I am thankful for this glimpse of something different.

Crying in my bed overcome with feelings of loneliness. I have learned that in these times, I need to just take a deep breath and talk to God. He is always there. Always listening. Whenever. Wherever.

Help.

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

After recently finding out that my father has fallen back into his old habits of drinking and doing drugs, I am devastated. I have had a few weeks to reflect on this situation and all of the evil that surrounds it, but also to tune into the grace that God has poured out over my dad. Although he has been using certain drugs and drinking alcohol intermittently over the past year, he has not started doing the most lethal drug to him again, and I thank God everyday for that.

I am also so thankful that he has opened up to me and I believe that this is a cry for help. I have rid myself of any anger and resentment toward him and this awful situation and I am ready to love, help and heal, along with the power of God. One of my greatest hopes is that he accepts Alcoholics Anonymous back into his life. Since he has also semi-recently accepted Jesus into his life, I believe that the AA program would have more of an effect on him than ever before.

Another miracle that I have seen through this that there is never ending support for myself and more importantly for my father. The community at St. Paul's never hesitates to pray about this situation when I ask, and I have found that my closest friends are nothing less than amazing when it comes to supporting a friend in need.

I still ask, however, for your help. Your prayers. Your hope. Your smiles. Your encouraging words. Your hugs. Your love.

My dad cannot get through this alone.. and neither can I.

Help, please. And really.. thank you.

Surrender Your Agenda.

This idea of “Surrendering Your Agenda” came up in the sermon given tonight by Ben at SPCC. It was one of four steps to T.E.S.T.ing God’s will.

Talk to God.

Examine the scriptures.

Surrender your agenda.

Tap into others.

_____________________________________________

Do any of you have an idea for where you want to be in 10 years?

Sure. A lot of us do. But, do you make it an absolute agenda? A must? Are you positive that it is where you will be, and that you will have certain things and accomplish certain goals, no matter what?

Two years ago, had I been faced with these questions, I would have answered, “Yes, of course.” And I would have explained that after college I planned to marry, get a nice house, have kids and eventually open my own counseling center for children.

Two years ago I had an agenda for my life that I was certain I would follow. I would chase after the “great American dream” where everyone is happy and has dogs running around inside their white picket fences. We have all wanted it, dreamed about it and hoped that it would come true at some point or another.

Today. Sunday, March 30, 2008. I am confident that I have surrendered this previous agenda, and any agenda for that matter. Sure, I have a “To-Do List” that I have made with things that I hope to do when I am finished with school. The items on this list, however, have strayed away from “get married, buy a house, have kids and then develop my career.”

Today. Sunday, March 30, 2008. I have high hopes for what is to come in my life, but I am putting it in my faith that I will do what I am meant to do.

This does not mean that I am throwing my hands up and telling God to lead me where he wants me. This does not mean that I am going to live day to day with no care in the world and become lazy because my purpose is coming. It means quite the opposite. It means that I am doing what I have already been instructed to do and waiting for the push to do the rest. I am living each day with more love and compassion than the previous and holding strong to what I believe.

So, when I do graduate school… will I visit Africa? Will I travel New England and spread the cause of the Invisible Children? Will I run a non-profit organization? Will I attend graduate school? Will I volunteer with Americorps? Will I open my own counseling center for children?

I don’t know. These are things that right now, in this moment seem like a good fit for my life down the road. But for once, I am fine and find comfort in the phrases “I am flying by the seat of my pants” or "I am going wherever the wind blows me". I am at peace with the idea that I do not know exactly what is coming, but I am sure as anything loving the search.

My relationships and encounters over the past few months have taught me that it isn’t all about knowing right where you will be in the future, for we are always apart of a process and things are constantly changing. Surrendering your agenda and putting faith in yourself and in God (for we are all apart of a grander plan)-- that is what it is all about.

Live with intention, love what you do, listen to what you have already been told, and wait for the rest.

:)

HAPPY EASTER.

This weekend has been filled with powerful services at St. Paul's and just wonderful energy.
With the emotion evoking service on Good Friday and the Easter Vigil along with my baptism last night, I am looking forward to the Easter service today in a big way.

Simply beautiful.
Thank you God.

HAPPY EASTER.

i stand for the power to change
i believe in the perfect day
i love til it hurts like crazy
i hope for a Hero to save me
i stand for the strange and lonely
i believe there's a better place
-Idina Menzel

This song, first played to me by my best friend, is so true to the things that I believe in and the things that I stand for.

I stand for the power to change.
With every passing day, I find more and more truth in the idea that people have the power to do just that. A lot of times I think that we overlook issues that seem too large to tackle and we just assume that they must be meant to be that way. As each day goes by, it becomes more and more evident to me that people have so much power in changing things they feel passionate about. Although passion works wonders in mobilizing people to act, it is not enough. We must reach inside ourselves and commit to working towards change.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." —Margaret Mead. This quote, which is hanging on my wall, reinforces the idea I have brought up above, and is confirmed in my life through PHP, St. Paul's and the IMPACT conference that I recently attended. Feel it in your heart and mobilize with your thoughts, words and most importantly- your actions.
I stand for the power to change.


I live for the strange and lonely.
Upon first coming to Eastern, I had decided to major in Psychology and planned to counsel children as my profession. It was a clear path in my mind that I never thought I would stray from. I have since added minors in Sociology and Business, as well as getting certified in Non-Profit Management. Now you may be asking yourself-- "What in the world does this girl want to do with her life?" The answer: EVERYTHING! I have expanded my thoughts on what I want to do after graduating Eastern. These things include: traveling to Africa, working as an Invisible Children Roadie, running a non-profit organization, attending grad-school for a masters in counseling psychology.. and the list continues. I plan to touch on all of them at some point in my life and wish that I could do them all now, but the important thing is, I will be reaching out to people who aren't always thought about, and when they are, it is not in the best light.

People in Africa are sometimes sympathized with, but other times just disregarded because "they live in another country, we can't even help the people in our country". The Invisible Children (also from Africa) are certainly lonely in the sense that before 3 young American men went to Uganda and captured their story, very few people knew about them. Those who benefit from non-profit organizations are in need or services that they can't get on their own whether it is due to homlessness, sickness, a tragic accident, or any other multitude of things. Often, people who fall under these categories are looked at as strange (by most of society) and are certainly lonely to some extent. Working towards a masters in counseling psychology will lead me to a degree where I can counsel children who are having problems at home or in school whether it is with fitting in, dealing with peers, handling living with a parent who is a substance abuser, etc. I have chosen to live a life that will help those who are looked at strange and those who are lonely.
I live for the strange and lonely.

I believe there's a better place.
St. Paul's has been my agent in finding Jesus and God and figuring out exactly where they fit in my life. Everywhere is the answer. I don't belive that I can or should just call on God when I need Him. He is forever present and has His hands in all of the things that I do. With every action, especially service, there is more meaning to me than ever before. Because of this, I know that there has got to be more than just this Earth.
I believe there's a better place.

i stand for the power to change
i believe in the perfect day
i love til it hurts like crazy
i hope for a Hero to save me
i stand for the strange and lonely
i believe there's a better place
-Idina Menzel