two broken h/e/a/r/t/s, a relationship torn a p a r t
tons of love, masked by a lack of trust
though past reunions had failed, this time was a must
once a little girl asking:

where is daddy?
doesn't he love me?
mommy where is he?

the truth unfolded as the years went by
the mountain between the two grew infinitely high

"tons of love masked by a lack of trust"
but we must all forgive, this is a must
nobody is out of reach of grace
perhaps this time they'll move together at the same pace

wishing. hoping. praying. Lord, will it be okay?
>>of course baby girl, there is no other way.

Jacob.

An innocent child- would rather die- than live.

This is the devastating, scary and surprising truth of a young boy named Jacob who lives in Northern Uganda and lives as an Invisible Child and a Night Commuter.

He would rather be killed- by the Rebel Army that killed his own brother -than stay alive to witness one more day of the awful war that has consumed his life.

Have no idea what I'm talking about when I say Invisble Children, Night Commuters or Rebel Army?

Take a minute to learn their story, their struggle. And find out what you can do to help. It only takes a small amount of your time, talent and money to make a big difference for these Invisible Children.

Remember- you could be the one to save his life. To help end this war so he doesn't have to look at the brutality. So he doesn't have to wish he were just another casualty of this awful war.

www.invisiblechildren.com

Things to check out on the site:

Movement*Mission*Store

-peace bonds

-t-shirts

-the bracelet campaign

"A wise man once said
one good thing about music is
that when it HITS you
YOU FEEL NO PAIN."

---OAR

Intentions vs. Commitments: Where do you stand?

Have you ever told someone you would do something, but then didn't?

Of course, we all have. And sometimes we may say to ourselves that it wasn't that big of a deal. We may say that even though we told a friend we would do them a small favor but didn't, that they can get along without our help. Or maybe we told our parents that we would run to the store for them but didn't, and figured that they could stop and get the milk on the way home from work tomorrow. Or maybe we intended to take an hour out of a busy day to just relax and read a book for ourselves but didn't, figuring that there are more important things to be done and that it can wait.

Intentions vs. commitments.

Why intend if we don't plan to commit? What good does it do to say we will do something and then not follow through? Is it smart to intend to do something but never commit, or smarter to not intend in the first place so as to not let anyone else, or ourselves down in the end?

Most people have nothing but "good intentions" but what good are they if they are not followed through with?

And furthermore, how is it that sometimes people do exactly the opposite of what it is they intended to do? This question is drawn from Vince's sermon at St. Paul's this past Sunday. He spoke about Peter's intentions of laying down his life for Jesus and how he meant to do nothing but good. He was greatly saddened by the thought of his leader no longer being able to lead and intended to do anything he needed to to change those circumstances.

In the end, however, he did exactly the opposite of what he intended. Instead of listening to Jesus and letting things play out the way they would, and joining him later on, he attempted to change the path, to alter the events that were bound to take place anyway.

Vince went on to explain that his actions were completely understandable, because he was exhausted both physically and emotionally, but they were also inexcusable.

So, not only are we capable of intending but not committing; we are also capable of doing exactly the opposite of what we intend.

It would be wise if we all though first about what we set as our intentions and make sure that we can commit to what we say, and keep the small or large promises we make to ourselves and others each and every day.

The best Valentine's Date EVER!

One would think that me being without a Valentine for the first time in 6 yearswould put some amount of sadness in me when the day rolled around. It was quite the opposite however since I ended up with a group of Valentine's from ECSU and another from Lyon's Manor.

A group of us from PHP took a van to the Lyon's Manor which is a residential living area for people who can't quite make it on their own, whether it because of age or disability. Going into the night, I didn't know what to expect, but I knew that being with the people I was with, it would be nothing short of an amazing experience.

Sure enough, after arriving and spending a little time decorating, the residents of Lyon's Manor came into the room to enjoy some coffee and a snack. I struck up a conversation with a resident named Bob who clearly had a love for music; Green Day specifically. There were board games placed out on the tables and bubbles and paint. Most of the residents seemed uninterested in the activities, and I think a lot of it was out of unfamiliarity with young people being in their home. A few of them opened up and played a few games of UNO, chess, blew bubbles and ended up painting. It was wonderful to see smiles on the faces that looked so sad and desolate upon entering the room.

When one of the residents Larry kept saying how great it was that we came out and how much he was thankful for it, I said "you're welcome" but also "thank you for allowing us to be here and for making it such a fun time!" I didn't want any one of them to think that we were there out of pity or because we had to be, but rather that we truly wanted to be there.

When the night was winding down and it was time to go, all of the residents started thanking us again and I wanted to make it aware to them that we would be back, and that we were looking forward to doing so. Nathan, from PHP is going to organize trips there hopefully bi-weekly and in no time, we will be continuing to build the relationships that were started last night.

February 14, 2008- the best Valentine's Day I have ever had.

Oh what a beautiful day.

Ahhhh. I thought that tonight I would take my blog in a different direction than my usual "poetry" or insight into the people and messages around me and just write about how absolutely wonderful today was.

Again, if you know me well, you know that I am generally a very happy, optimistic person who rarely has a bad day. Today, however, was exceptionally wonderful. First, I woke up, took a shower and sang Jack Johnson at the top of my lungs while getting ready for class. I then had a good class followed by a refreshing cat nap. I then took an exam which I am pretty confident about. After that, I got a ton of information about Study Abroad opportunities which I am very excited about!! Next came a great, long workout at the gym. I hadn't been going as often as I'd like the past week due to my schedule but it was great to get back.

Then came PHP of course, where I was able to get my foot into yet a few more doors for great opportunities to volunteer. I am going to be working on organizing a political project for high school students which is kind of out of my league if you will, but it will be a great new experience. I am also very excited to be attending a social event at Lyon's Manor on Valentine's Day to spend the event dancing away with people who don't get to enjoy other's company enough.

After the meeting, a handful of the members and I went to a "Dine and Discuss" event with Dr. Stephens from UCONN as well as some of the students involved in the Community Outreach group. We were able to exchange ideas and strategies and envision things that we would like to accomplish in the future. Now we just need to put the actions into place which will fall into place in time, hopefully sooner than later.

The best part of the day was probably sitting back and enjoying my hot chocolate (in my new cool free mug) and watching Ryanhood with my friend Nathan. It was great to sit down and relax and just listen to the beautiful acoustic guitars and one of the guys' awkward yet hilarious stories.

Of course, this wouldn't be complete without the mention of the fact that my car (Soph, for those of you who don't know) has been having a problem lately with her driver's side door not closing when it is cold. Last night I had the pleasure of driving my car (which is a standard) while holding the door closed. Tonight, however, she behaved for the most part and realized that although it would be a great laugh again, I would prefer if she functioned properly. So of course I got to cruise around in the coolest car known to mankind and sing my country music.

So, that is my beautiful day :) one of the best in a long time, for reasons that you may not understand, but I believe in finding beauty in everything and soaking it up everywhere I go.


K, that is my dorky silly post for the time being. Back to business next time ;) !!

With you by my side.

"With everything ahead of us
We left everything behind
But nothing that we needed
At least not at this time
And now the feeling that I'm feeling
Well it's feeling like my life is finally mine
With nothing to go back to we just continue to drive
Without you I was broken
But I'd rather be broke down with you by my side
I didn't know what I was looking for
So I didn't know what I'd find
I didn't know what I was missing
I guess you've been just a little too kind" -Broken, Jack Johnson

So, if you read my "What is my next step" post or have been in contact with me in the past month or so, you know that I have decided to give church and all it has to offer a chance to become apart of my life.

I was very skeptical at first, and many of those close to me were as well, but I grow less and less skeptical each time I leave St. Paul's with Ben or Vince's message in my mind. The way they tell the stories and relate them to everyday life really helps me to understand their words and what they are trying to get across.

I am still not sure how God and Jesus fit into my life exactly, but I have opened myself up to the gift that is often spoke of at St. Paul's. The gift of unconditional love, which is so important and absolutely necessary.

The lyrics I posted above are very much how I feel lately, especially the part about "well it's feeling like this life is finally mine." There is no doubt that I have always had an idea about what I want to do with my life, but I was maybe just too set in one mind frame. This year, and even more so this semester, I have opened many doors for myself and with the help of others that I can step into at any time. Through building relationships and strong network connections that I am able to do what I love everyday; serve others.

What has given me this power? I am not exactly sure but believe that it is a combination of my wonderful friends, encouraging mother and sister, the network of people that I am associated with at Eastern, and the fact that I have opened myself up to an unconditional love.

So yes, although I may have had it together before, I was somewhat broken but now with all of the amazing people and the grace around me, I know that I will always be made whole again.

Love, love, love, love.

"Love, love, love, love
And john lennon said that was all you need
If you taste it once
It won't be enough" -Celine Dion

When my best friend first played me this song, I was shocked by the sound of it knowing that it was Celine Dion. It had a rock feel to it, nothing like I had ever heard from her. I immediately fell in love with the song and Delia and I would sing it and dance her around like crazies.

Listening to it tonight, something else about it caught me and made me stop and realize something very important. The above lyrics, referring back to a Beatles song which says that "love is all we need" has never proven to be more true to me. Now, if you know me you may stop and say "But how can that be? You're single for the first time in forever and without love."

And that is exactly my inspiration for this post. So many people, especially with Valentine's Day coming up, get lost in the idea that love needs to be from someone with whom you are in a romantic relationship with. People get discouraged when February 14th comes around and they are not out to dinner sitting across from their future husband or wife.

It is becoming more and more evident in my everyday life that are endless sources of love all around. My friends and family obviously give me unconditional love which is extremely important to me and which I cherish with all of my heart. But on another level, there are people that I come into contact with on a daily basis that I may not know very well, that I can feel a sort of love from.

If you attend Eastern, you know Sue from Hurley who makes you that delicious omelet before your 8AM class. Everyday that I see her, she is smiling from ear to ear and just so excited to see students and always so sweet. You may also know Nancy from Career Services, or Kim Silcox or President Elsa Nunez. These are all individuals on campus who are always beaming with smiles and enthusiasm for what they do and for the students on this campus. Seeing any one of them, along with students on campus smiling and laughing is a symbol of love, at least in my heart.

As far as giving love, if you are up for that, there are so many opportunities. Attending a campus event and joking around with strangers who may become your best friends is one form. My favorite, however, is volunteering. There is nothing better to me than seeing the look on someone's face when I give them a free cup of coffee on Main Street Willimantic, just because. They ask why we are there doing this, and when we reply "It's just for you, there is no catch. This world needs more acts of kindness!" a smile spreads across their faces and it is irreplaceable.

Of course, love on a personal level with a significant other is wonderful and it is a one of a kind feeling, but is it not the only love. It is not the be all end all.

So, I challenge you to go out and open your self up to the love that is all around you everyday and to give some back, if you can. Because after all, it is all we need.

Happy Birthday Vik

Today, one of the brightest people I have ever known would have turned another year older. She would have been surprised at Meme's or Auntie Glenna's with a group of people ready to celebrate yet another great 365 days. Her beautiful face would light up as she blew out the candles and made another wish while her daughter, Stevie was right along side her blowing out any candles she had missed. Today, all who love her and remember her for everything great that she was will celebrate for her and miss her imensely, more than we do every other day.

Vikki, I have no doubt that you are happy wherever it is you are. You are on my mind and in my heart everyday. I miss you and I love you so much. RIP, you are such an angel.

Happy Birthday Vik

Love always, your Chel Bell.

His Bucket List

Around lunch time today, I went to the Student Center to get a quick lunch and read a bit. I sat down at a table by myself, next to a group of 4 men who appeared to be professors. Since the tables are barely 2 feet apart and the men were talking loudly, it was impossible for me to not hear what they were saying. From the sounds of their conversation and the constant mention of basketball scholarships and the tournaments coming up, I guessed that they were part of the SLM program at ECSU.

One of the men began to talk about how he recently went to the movies to see The Bucket List because his two favorite actors were the main characters. He was talking and laughing about how the idea for the movie was clever and that the men played the parts very well.

The man who appeared to be the oldest (probably approaching 70 years old) suddenly broke up the discussion about the movie and stated that he wouldn't be traveling with the basketball team on some of their weekend trips. The others at the table kind of looked at him with that "okay, what does that have to do with the current conversation" look. He then went on to say that he wasn't sure when he would kick the bucket, or when his wife would, for that matter. He said it so matter of factly, with a smirk on his face and no fear in his eyes. He said that he would find much more joy in spending a day with his wife at home then traveling to the game. The look on his face made it seem as though this was some sort of epiphany, something he hadn't given much thought to before.

The other men still seemed a bit confused by his statement, but this didn't stop the oldest man from continuing. "Ya know, when you get older, you start thinking about whether or not you can answer yes to the two most important questions of life: Did you bring joy to other people? And were you able to find joy yourself?"

I was so taken back by his bold statements and the passion he showed in talking to these somewhat younger men as though he was trying to teach them a lesson. None of the other three men said much and just looked around at each other. A bit later, the youngest man brought up some news that he had recently heard about Harvard baseball and the scholarships that they were offering.

The conversation quickly returned back to sports discussion, but the oldest man had checked out for a bit and just sat with a smile on his face.

It was so wonderful to hear such an experienced, wise man verbalize his realization and take a casual conversation about a movie up to a level that none of the others expected. They had laughed about the movie and the idea of it, but he had given it thought and made a decision about his life in those few seconds.

So.. if those are in fact the two questions to answer yes to in life.. are you bringing joy to others and finding joy yourself?