soul cravings (5)

...So that pretty much left the invisibles or the rebels-- and aren't the rebels really just the ones who are desperately trying not to be invisible while knowing they don't fit in anywhere else? This is maybe why I'm so attracted to Jesus. If James Dean was the rebel without a cause, Jesus was the rebel with one.

A few days ago I received a message on facebook from one of my friends inviting me, and the rest of his brothers and sisters to join him in starting a Revolution. There was a link to his blog where the most recent post was about being a rebel with a cause. His New Year's resolution is to be a rebel with a cause, just as McManus describes Jesus as being. And how fitting that as we are called to live like Jesus did, that we would also be rebels with the greatest cause.

Andrew's post described how those of us who follow Jesus are rebels because it goes against the pollution of this world. This world is a place where it is so easy to be consumed in hate, corruption, materialism, selfishness and so on. The bible tells us time and time again to watch out for being polluted by the world and to stick to the Word in order to not get lost.

This year I join Andrew in continuing this revolution (as I believe the church has been growing stronger and stronger by the day). I commit to becoming more devoted to Jesus than ever before. I commit to abiding by the Word in order to continue the expansion of love. I commit to shining my light, as well as confessing my dark for all to see.

Will you join us as the rebels with His cause?

soul cravings (4)

What's on God's heart is not a list of rules or commands, but the expansion of love....All God wants for us in this is that we live in healthy, loving relationships.

Isn't that simply beautiful? So many times before I was a believer I questioned why anyone believed and followed the bible since it was all just a long list of things not to do. Once I began my walk, I was still a bit skeptical as I was making a lot of changes in my lifestyle to live according to the word.

Today, when I read that sentence in McManus' Soul Cravings, I am confident that it is exactly true. Working to adjust my behaviors to follow the rules and commands have certainly made it easier to work on the expansion of love. I am now able to be in sincere, healthy, loving relationships whether it be showing love to a stranger, maintaining a relationship with a family member or growing the nature of love in my romantic relationship.

I no longer give away my body in hopes for "love" in return. I do my best not to talk about others to people so that I fit in with them. I believe McManus in that the cry of God's heart is for us to be in healthy, loving relationships. There is far more talk of this in the Bible than there are of lists of things you can't do.

So once again.. let's love love love. It is what we are called to do.

soul cravings (3)

Home is ultimately not about a place to live but about the people with whom you are most fully alive. Home is about love, relationship, community, and belonging, and we are all searching for home.

I'm not going to lie, the first thing I thought of when I read this was Dory from Finding Nemo when she is begging Marlin not to leave her alone because "when she looks at him she feels home".

Shortly there after entered Vince's message from Imagine Christmas. The idea that during Christmas we all search for home. We don't want to go to a place where "when we have to go they have to take us in". We want to go somewhere where we are welcomed and where our arrival is anticipated with joy.

I know that I have wrestled with "home" issues many times in my life. Lately it has been that I feel most at home with my church family. I feel guilty saying that because of all that my mom and sister have done for me, because I love them so much and they are my two best friends. But it is the truth lately and hit me this Christmas. After spending an entire weekend with them for Imagine Christmas, it has been very weird being away for two weeks.

Jesus called to all who were weary and who found their souls exhausted to come to him and find rest. He is telling us that God will be for us our place called home.

After reading this, however, I stopped feeling guilty and began to feel challenged and encouraged. It makes sense that I would feel most at home with my church family because each person has uniquely attributed to the first steps of my walk with Christ. It is with them that I can pray and worship and that I got excited about my first real Christmas with. The challenging part came in when I was reminded that no matter where I go, God is always there.. He is my home. (Quite frankly I have made it kind of hard to see that when I am so focused on being the only believer in the house.) Sure it is great to share that home with my SPCC family, but I need to learn to be just as comfortable when I "have the house to myself" so to speak.

When we are having "home" problems and can't seem to figure out where exactly we belong, we may become anxious, depressed, nervous and a whole slew of other things. It is amazing, however, the weight that is lifted when we realize that God has enough room in His house for us all and He longs for us to fill up one of those empty beds.

soul cravings (2)

Love is not a limited commodity. Love expands as we give it away. Love dies when we do not.

This quote is one that is a true cry of my heart. Since being saved by Christ He has opened my heart more and more with each day. I am no longer bitter and calloused and trying to shut out the things in my life that used to cause me pain.

I have learned that loving someone does not mean that you have to like them. Love is a verb and by the grace of God I have been taught to do so. In the beginning, and still sometimes now, my friends hassle me when I tell them I love them. I have heard numerous times, "How can you love me when you love everyone?" or "You saying that is insincere because you claim to love everyone." For too long I let this bother me and I used to question my actions.

Today, however, I am confident in God's truth that love is not limited. It does expand when we give it away. The more I serve, minister and worship, the more my heart is filled to continue to love.

Just as the Desert Song says "I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I receive I will sow."

So here is my challenge to myself and to you. Love. Love like we have never loved before. Let us reach out to people we may not like and reveal to them the greatest love ever known.. that of Jesus Christ.

soul cravings (1)

This Christmas I got three books that I am very eager to read. I started Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus tonight and although I'm only 12 pages in, I am hooked.

The book, which is written in short entries, is extremely inviting as McManus asks the reader to embark on a journey with him. The first pages talk about the unexplainable longing in our hearts for love. I have posted in the past on my thoughts about love. I finally realized that love goes far beyond family, friends and romantic partners. I believe that this book will capture that same notion and help me to encounter love in full force.

Here are just a few parts that struck me as profound:

"If you try to ignore it, if you think that you can live your life without love, you're in even worse shape than the person who's desperately trying to find it."

"Have you ever come face to face with the vacuum of love that exists within your soul? Have you ever had an unexplainable sense of loneliness even while you're standing in the middle of a crowd? At the same time you can be all by yourself and have a wonderful sense of connectedness with the world. You can enjoy being alone, but you can become lost in aloneness."

Anddd my favorite:

"We are created to know love and to give love. Our need to love, though rooted in God, is not limited to Him. Love is not a limited commodity. Love expands as we give it away. Love dies when we do not."
I think that while reading this book I will blog about a different part that speaks to me each day. I hope that you would follow me along this journey and give me your feedback. Also, I would already say that I recommend this book!

a few of my favorite worship songs

Sooo, I am on duty tonight as I was last night. What is great about duty over break is that there are barely any residents in the building and you're on by yourself! I have been very productive the past two nights getting things ready for Panama, working on bulletin boards and door decs and listening to worship songs the entire time.

There is definitely something to be said about having the soundtrack to 5 hours of your day be music speaking of His amazing love. It is refreshing, renewing, challenging, comforting, etc.

Two of the songs that I have been playing over and over are Chasing by Charlie Hall and Who Am I? by Casting Crowns. Both beautiful songs that really capture my heart. I encourage you to give them a listen :)

Chasing by Charlie Hall

Sweet Forgiveness,
My redemption
You're a savior once for all, and today
Oh the mercy, it comes to flood me
Jesus on the cross, You took my place

And I'm chasing after You
Because You first chased after me
And You purchased me with blood
I am free, I am complete
Now a child of my King
Leaving old I am made new
Because You first chased after me
I am chasing after Youuuuu..

Who Am I? by Casting Crowns

Who am I that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I that the bright and morning star
Would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am but because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done but because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord you catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours..

Who am I that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me



These songs are surely helping me to worship fully this advent season.

How?

While reading tonight's Advent readings, Romans 10:14 really captured my heart.

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they hae not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?

With Imagine Christmas just finishing up a day ago and Christmas Day up ahead with a missions trip to Panama following closely behind that, God yelled this verse to me to make sure I heard it!

Romans 10:13 statesfor, "Everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved." and then in verse 14 goes on to pose a few questions that can stir in everyone's hearts.

Sure, if you were raised in the church and in a community where you learned about Christ, learning His teachings was very accessible. Otherwise, there has to be a way that you were introduced to Him, brought to Him by Him through someone in this world. For me, it was a great friend inviting me to St. Paul's. God took that invitation and rocked my world with it.

It looks different for everyone, though-- being introduced to Christ. These verses were just very encouraging to remind me to go ahead, unafraid and speaking because God is with me (Acts 18:9-10). Whether it be through dance in Imagine Christmas, through small group, at the soup kitchen, in class, across the world on a missions trip, at the dinner table with my family, in a conversation with a stranger.. I must keep Him in my thoughts. I must ask Him to fill me with the words and with the love to proclaim His love to those who do not yet know Him.

Because without the people of His church actively seeking out those in His kingdom, they will be left in the dark without the invitation to salvation.

jumbled.

have you ever been at a loss of words?

ambivalent emotions swim through your thoughts

"wonderful, so wonderful is Your unfailing love" is the cry of my heart

yet i can't focus.. i ache and i pain

i hope and i pray as i turn my eyes to the sky

let me follow wholeheartedly

let me let You in to heal my heart..

Parking Lot Prayers.

Get ready to read about one of my favorites moments in my entire life and easily my favorite moment since my Christian walk has begun.

Last night I was at Imagine Christmas rehearsal rushing around to get props where they needed to go, trying to keep the young ones entertained, putting on stage makeup and visiting with some of my favorite people. We were about 5 scenes into the rehearsal when the fire alarm went off.

We had started using a new fog machine on the set and most of us figured it was due to the fog that the alarm went off. We gathered to evacuate the building while the young ones asked questions and scampered around and some of the lead adults instructed everyone on where to go.

What was amazing is what happened once we got outside. Most of us were half dressed (in terms of what we should be wearing outside in the winter), some of us were without shoes on the cold ground and all of us knew that we still had a lot of work to do left on the service before we could leave that night. What did we do once outside? Gathered around in a circle, held hands and prayed. We didn't complain about the cold or about how we would have to stay late. Nobody groaned about the "new stupid fog machines". Instead, we were thankful that we had rehearsals to figure this stuff out. We thanked God for that and prayed that He would bring this weekend together seamlessly and go before us in this work for Him.

It was beautiful. Forty or so people gathered around in a huge circle in the parking lot. Shivering, anxious, thankful and praying.

These parking lot prayers reinforced for me how beautiful my St. Paul's family is and just how good God is.

A new way to get dressed in the morning.

While reading through the Advent readings for today, a few versus from Ephesians caught me eye. Jeff had referenced them in a sermon he gave and they rang a bell in my head and my heart as I took them in again.

Ephesians 6:13-17

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your wasit, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

At first, the stunning imagery hit me. I can picture a warrior getting prepared for battle and buckling his weapons around his waist as he slips his helmet over his head, holds up his shield and draws his sword to the enemy. I then caught myself and wondered why I was picturing a warrior preparing for battle rather than God's children getting dressed for each and every day.

Here is where the metaphor struck me. We are called to wear His armor. To keep in the Word and to be in constant conversation with Him. To stand on His faith and persevere through the doubts and struggles. It is evident that these versus are instructing us to do just that, but it easy to get lost in the imagery and dismiss it as a warrior gearing up after hearing a battle cry.

This world is full of cries, full of pain and suffering. Let each mention of injustice, each desperate tear and each hungry belly be a battle cry to us. Let us suit up each day in God's armor, go out there and win hearts for His glory.

Advent Reading Reflections for 12.12

Philippians 3:12-16

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

Just a couple random thoughts that weighed in while I was reading:

But I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

This reminded me of Charlie Hall’s lyrics “I am chasing after You because you first chased after me”. I have worshipped to that song at church one time and to this day it sticks with me. Jesus persevered like crazy after me through my 20 years of not knowing Him and now I am happy to proclaim that I am chasing after Him!!

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.

There is no doubt that our past experiences influence who we are at this very moment, but this verse gets at something that is one of my core values. I have learned the hard way over the years that I can either dwell on the negative things in my past and let it bog down my present (and therefore future) or I can allow myself to be picked up and move on with a lesson learned and hope for the future.

Let us press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called us heavenward in Christ Jesus by watching this season! A theme that was presented the first day of the Advent Conspiracy series, and that echoes in my head and my heart day after day.

oh how i love my residents :)

Let me just start by saying that I love my job as an RA. I posted last year at the end of the year on "True Life: I'm an RA" and talked about the year coming to an end and how it all flew by so quickly. Today, as we are approaching closing for the semester, I have many of the same feelings.

For the past few days I have been feeling really out of it (see the "." post I wrote prior to this one). I was unsure of what was causing it but knew that it was extremely frustrating. I spent time praying and thinking and reading but for some reason couldn't shake the feeling. I was foggy. UGHH.

Tonight I am on duty and just did my room inspections for the month. Upon returning to the office, I feel so much better! Interacting and laughing with my residents really seemed to me the cure for my fog.

This was a clear sign that I should NOT leave the RA position at the end of this year. I had been thinking about, not too seriously, but the thought was there. Joanna will be leaving at the end of this year and I will have a lot on my plate next semester, so this seemed like a possible logical option.

After tonight, however, I remember why I started this job in the first place and I realize why when people ask me "Do you like being an RA?" I always answer with "I love it!"

It may be a lot of work and very time consuming, but it is totally worth it. Laughing and joking around with my residents, answering their questions and reflecting on the semester cleared my head tonight and really got me in high spirits.

Oh how I love my residents!

.

stagnant
tired
slow
unproductive
dazed
puzzled
lost?
sitting
sleepy
focused?
hurting?
wishing
waiting
hoping
tired
tired
wrestling
hoping
tired
waiting
wishing
sitting
sleepy
lost?

wow.

Tonight during a conversation with Steve on the way home from church, I noticed something so remarkable. St. Paul's has three paid staff members. three. 3. t-h-r-e-e. All else that goes on is strictly volunteer work. St. Paul's is a church filled with followers eager to serve and minister and take part in missions.

From Kidmo, to the First Impressions team, the coffee mission, the prayer ministry, the worship team, those who come out for Saturday Serves each month, the tons of people working on Imagine Christmas, the tech team.. the list goes on and on and on.

It's simply amazing how Christ mobilizes so many hearts and brings us all together to advance His kingdom.

Wow.

Psalm 85 with pictures

These are a collection of some of the photos that I have taken ranging from last summer to this fall season. I thought it was beautiful how the phrases from this Psalm could be somewhat depicted by these photos.

Psalm 85:10-11

Love and faithfulness meet together



Righteousness and peace kiss each other



Faithfulness springs forth from the earth



And righteousness looks down from heaven.

Advent Reading Reflection for 12/5

Jeremiah 1:6-7

6“Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”

7But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.

Prior to these words, it is told that Jeremiah had chosen by God as a prophet to all nations. God called him to do something huge in His name, and Jeremiah spoke back with an excuse as to why he wouldn’t be good enough for the job.

If there is one thing I have learned since my journey has begun, it is that God is definitely in the business of using the underdogs, the least expected, the hurt, the lost, the broken, etc. to do His work. Of course we all fall into one of those categories, but in the Bible, God chooses some of the seemingly most unqualified people to carry out His works. No matter how broken, lost, hurt, weak, scared or young we are—He will use us!!

And when He calls us forth, let us not make excuses about why we can’t, but rather put faith in His plan and move ahead with Him.

Great Gift Ideas!

I know I have already posted about TOMS as a great gift idea, but I would like to add to the list. Here are a few more causes that I absolutely love!! Get your loved ones a gift while the proceeds go to helping people in need.

(1) www.invisiblechildren.com Shop there store and purchase bracelets made in Uganda, a variety of different t shirts to raise awareness, DVDs, scarves and more!!



(2) www.beadforlife.org This website has a bunch of jewelry that is made by Ugandan women out of all recycled paper and such. The jewelry is beautiful and not very pricey. The money goes right back into their business!



(3) www.jedidiahusa.com Here you can buy a variety of different clothing items. The HOPE collection of T shirts are creatively designed and really beautiful. There are many different causes to choose from-- find what is near and dear to your heart and GIVE!



(4) www.betterworld.com Is somebody you know itching to read a good book? You can purchase new or used books on this site and all of the money goes to funding world literacy. You also get FREE SHIPPING **Book drives are done all over the country to collect books to be sold on the sight. Want to start a book drive at your school or in your area? Ask me about it!!**



You'll be getting great gifts, giving to great causes and avoiding traffic and waiting in lines to pay :)

we do not know or understand

But they do not know the thoughts of the LORD;
they do not understand his plan Micah 4:12

I have two thoughts on this verse that settled in my head and my heart after reading it over a few times:

1-As much as we may try to learn God's plan-- whether it be for ourselves, our friends, the world... whatever-- we just can't. This is the principle that faith is based on but that so many of us can easily lose sight of. He has plans for us that we could never fathom. We are called to steward what we are given, to bless others with the blessings we've been given, to surrender ourselves to His grander plan.

2-We wouldn't know what to do or say or think or feel if He revealed the plan to us. He works in such mysterious and awesome ways that we wouldn't get it. It would be impossible for us to understand how He was going to take something from point A to point B. This is because God is just so good. So merciful, awesome and mighty. His plans for each of us and for His kingdom are more extravagent than we can ever imagine.

Just earlier today I was feeling extremely tired-- not physically but mentally. Things have really been weighing on my mind and my heart and I can't stop thinking about them. Death, war, poverty, injustice... constantly turning over and over in my head asking why why why. I planned on posting about that at the end of the night.

That is until this verse hit me and reminded me-- faith, Chelsea. Lift it up, give it to Him and keep at it. His plans are greater than anything I could ever think up and it will all be resolved when the second advent is here.

it's beginning to look a lot like advent

Two or three weeks ago began talk about the advent season at St. Paul's. I had absolutely no idea what that meant but assumed it had something to do with Christmas. I have since inquired about the meaning of advent and was correct-- it is about Christmas!! The birth of Christ. I did not realize, however, that during advent we not only celebrate His birth but we really focus on and look forward to Him coming back.

The sermon series started a week early last week and last night was the second week-- both of them have been amazing. The messages are full of practical tips on how to watch for Jesus (Mark 13) during this advent season and I look forward to applying this series to my entire life. After all, every Sunday we are celebrating Jesus and all that He does and indeed we are working for Him while waiting for His return.

As apart of the advent season, SPCC distributed an advent reading calendar which has been really great in helping me to celebrate and learn about this for the first time. Tonight one of the readings was Micah 4:1-7 and the verses really touched my heart and brought tears of joy to my eyes:

In the last days, the mountains of the LORD's temple
will be established as chief among the mountains;
it will be raised above the hills, and people will stream to it.
Many nations will come to say, "Come, let us go up to
the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob.
He will teach us his ways so that we may walk in his paths."
The law will go out from Zion, the word of the LORD from Jerusalem.
He will judge between many peoples and will settle disputes
for strong nations far and wide.
They will beat their swords into plowshares and thei spears
into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation,
nor will they train for war anymore.
Everyone will sit under their own vine and under their own fig tree
and no one will make them afraid,
for the LORD Almight has spoken.
All the nations may walk in the name of their gods;
we will walk in the name of the LORD our God for ever and ever.

There is no particular verse that catches my eye anymore than the others-- it is just full of hope and spoken so eloquently. It also lead a song that we sang in worship last night into my heart.


As surely as the sun will rise, you'll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears

You'll come, let your glory fall as you respond to us,
Spirit rain, flood into our thirsty hearts again, you'll come.

So this advent season, let us not be caught sleeping. Let us be watching for Jesus and seeing God in each of our moments of everyday. Let us celebrate His birth and look forward to when He returns.

encouragements :)

This past week has been filled with endouraging God moments. I was nervous about going home for Thanksgiving with the fear that each time I go home I am more and more like an alien to my family. After lots of prayer and simply loving my family, I enjoyed the days that I spent with them and felt very blessed because of it.

Here are just a few of the really exciting things that God has been doing in my life and around me lately:

*He has called me to the Dominican Republic this summer on a missions trip with a great group of followers. A few of my loved ones have already agreed to sponsor me for this trip.
*Imagine Christmas is approaching fast and God has softened the hearts of many that I have invited :)
*Tonight one of my friends took communion for the first time-- so encouraging, espcially because I can remember my first time and how excited my friend who had invited me was.. it has really come full circle. God is good.
*Kidmo is going so wonderfully. The first time I was anticipating just volunteering once a month or so but I have been called to serve there each week and am so glad to have been given the skills to teach those beautiful children about God.
*I have been getting to know a man down at the soup kitchen and spending time with him each Tuesday. Our friendship is growing strong along with my relationships with others there.

God is in all of these places with me and is using me to bless others. I am just so thankful.

Give Him glory always.

I have really been enjoying the Advent readings thus far, and with this being my first real Christmas as I am calling it, I am happily overwhelmed by all of the information and celebration of this season. While reading through Romans 5, verse 3 really caught my eye:

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Indeed, I have learned during my journey with Christ that it is easy to praise God and thank Him when things go well for me but when the tables are turned and times are rough, I sing a different tune. With each day and each tough time we ought to remember all that Jesus went through for us and every time we lift up our troubles we are persevering to build character and reinforce the hope He represents for His people. Let’s turn our doubts and worries into songs of praise for what we have been given and prayers for His will to be done.

As it says in Psalm 100:4-5:

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Through the good times and the bad, God is always here for us to share joys with, cry to, argue with and simply wait upon. So let us watch for Jesus as we are instructed to in Mark 13. Let us not be caught sleeping when He comes again.

TOMS TOMS TOMS

Hey everyone! We have been talking a lot about the coming of the advent season at SPCC and last night Ben gave us some practical tips to fully worship God this Christmas and not get stuck in the busyness and traffic jams and shopping lists and endless spending. One of his main ideas was to spend less on gifts that will end up back at the stores or hanging in a closet for years or sold at a tag sale next spring. Then, with the money that you save by not buying those useless gifts.. we are to give more. There are a ton of people who do not receive their basic needs everyday, nevermind items from their wishlist.

I am here to offer a practical tip that allows you to spend and give at the same time. A gift that will provide a family member or loved one with a trendy pair of shoes. The best part is that you are always providing an individual from Ethiopia with a necessity that they will not receive otherwise.

http://tomsshoes.com/
Please watch the video and consider this as an alternative for your holiday shopping. TOMS has set a goal of 30,000 pairs of shoes this holiday season. Whether or not that goal is met, we can make sure we are watching for Jesus by giving more this season.

I believe..

I received an email today from my best friend who unfortunately, I don't stay in close contact with much anymore.. generally I delete forwarded emails because most of them tend to be annoying and I find them a waste of time. This one, however.. brought tears to my eyes. Each statement began with "I believe" and with each came the face of a precious baby to remind us of the gift of life. Here is how I was reminded of a few of the things I believe..

I believe...

...that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are but it is up to us to decide who we become.

...that no matter how good a friend is, they are going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

...that just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they've got.

...that you should always leave loved ones with loving words-- it may be the last time you see them.

...that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

...that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

...that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

...that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes we must forgive ourselves.

...that life is more precious than money will ever be.

...that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe that our great God does truly turn lives around. He has given me new breath and a chance to live out each of the statements above. He has shown me what it means to believe.

big wings in the sky

Yesterday morning while Steve and I were driving to SPCC for Saturday Serves, I commented on how much I love the drive to church because the scenery is gorgeous. It was a treat to have someone else driving so that I could take the time to enjoy it. I pointed out the areas near UCONN where the cows have space to roam and told him about how I often bring little Emma to see the animals. Overhead, there were geese flying and Steve asked, "Are those birds hawks?" I laughed and said "No silly they're geese." Steve replied, "I just saw big wings in the sky out of the corner of my eye and thought they were hawks."

I turned and looked out the window again. This time I not only saw through the glass but also through the geese and their big wings. I laid my eyes on a set of even larger wings-- wings that encompass the entire earth. I gazed at the sight of His wings spread over His creation and closed my eyes and I breathed a sigh of relief. I took in another deep breath thankful for God and for the fact that he "keeps me as the apple of his eye and hides me in the shadow of his wings" as it is written in the book of Psalms.

It is so easy sometimes to forget that God is right there. To look at the people around you and miss Him, to reflect on a situation and be unsure of His presence there.. but after this silly conversation about birds in the sky being geese or hawks, I have learned that each time I look up I can be comforted in knowing that I.. that we.. are all blanketed by His wings.

worship night. 11/21

Last night was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had. I headed to SPCC with a good friend of mine with some worries in our hearts and tension in the air. We were looking forward to the night and knew that God was about to do something great. The smiles of everyone visiting in the lower cafe warmed my heart as He covered me in love. We found our seats, the music began!! Nick gave a short talk about what worship truly is and how although we worship God with music, it is so much more-- we are called to worship Him with our lives.

The music continued.. His people bowed down.. we sang.. we danced.. we clapped.. we cried.. we laughed.. we prayed.. we embraced.. He was in that place.

I am really speechless for the most part and am just so thankful to belong to a church that has such a yearning and a craving for seeking God. It is such a breath of fresh air to be surrounded by His people and His unfailing love.

I left last night with happy tears in my eyes and God's love flowing in and out of my heart. A friendship had been renewed and all of the dark had been turned to light. I'm so very thankful for last night.

which pathway(s) do you tend to follow?

I am currently reading John Ortberg's God Is Closer Than You Think. It is a great book so far and I highly recommend it to anyone whether you are a skeptic, a seeker or a long time follower. The last chapter I read touched on the seven different pathways that people generally follow to encounter God. He notes that many of us dip into each pathway at least a little but we have a few that we seem to cling to more often.

Intellectual pathway- If you follow this pathway then you love listening to the sermons at church and experience God most this way and through the study of scripture and the reading of other texts. You get closer to God as you learn more about Him.

Relational pathway- If you love people and are in constant relation then this is most likely the pathway that you follow. You encounter God as you meet and interact with people.

Serving pathway- Those who follow this pathway are closest to God while helping others. They base their activities in life on doing what they can to serve God's people and this is where they most often meet Him.

Worship pathway- Standing in church or riding in a car, no matter where they are, those who follow this pathway encounter God during worship. They enjoy the music and the rush it gives them and this draws them nearer to God.

Activist pathway- These folks are always on the run and constantly seeking God through coming up with actions to solve problems. If you follow this pathway you have a high amount of energy and most likely meet God when fighting for a cause.

Contemplative pathway- For the people who love to spend time alone in quiet with God, this is generally your most followed pathway. You may watch others in a crowded room and simply reflect rather than be a part of the chaos. You find God most easily when away from distractions of the world.

Creation pathway- If you follow this path, you love the outdoors and being able to connect to God through experiencing that which He has created. The singing birds, the whistling wind and rushing water is enough for you to see God and be in His presence.

Ortberg's book goes into more detail about each pathway (as these are only short summaries) and he also offers the pathways that each person may find a challenge following. Along with this, he warns people who identify largely with one pathway about things to watch out for so they don't become too dependent on only one.

This chapter has really opened up my eyes and reminded me that we were each created by God as unique, beautiful beings. I certainly do not need to encounter God exactly the same way as anyone else does and it is a blessing that we each follow different pathways. It is also a blessing that we are challenged and encouraged to try out other pathways to deepen our relationship with Him and begin to experience Him all around us. Because after all he is closer than we think.

Which pathways do you most closely identify with? Which do you think are a challenge for you to follow?

the value of an education

Some of us pay thousands and thousands of dollars to go away to school for 4 years and be educated. Some of us love the classes we take and others of us can't stand them and struggle to make it to most. Somewhere along the way, though, we are taught. We learn things even when we try not to. What is the impact of this education?

Over the past couple weeks a recurring theme has jumped out at me. Education is great but certainly isn't enough. Since the beginning of this country, one of the best forms of human capital has been a good education-- someone who had attended school and learned a trade or a number of different subjects, but had some type of education were somehow "better" than those who didn't. Someone with practical experience in the real world with real people just didn't make the cut. I make the same argument for today and think that you will agree if you take a second to think about people in your life or just in the world in general.

One of my professors said something pain stakingly obvious last week yet it struck me as so profound. "Even though we all know that we should eat better and work out to stay in good health-- we just don't do it. We are educated about the right way but choose the wrong instead." Hmm imagine that. Education just isn't enough.

I was them reading in a novel and came to a scene where a young African American couple was discussion the whites perception of them. The man spoke about how the whites were beginning to realize that they ought to be more accepting and give equal rights to the blacks but that that just wouldn't happen. "Ah- if only the diagnosis were the cure!" Education and enlightenment were present-- but no change.

Later that week, I was watching a sermon online from a pastor at Granger Community Church. The topic of the sermon isn't important for this post, but something that he said really clicked when talking about our country-- "I've never put our hope in education. It's great but we know it doesn't change hearts." It tied together the other two bits of information I have mentioned above. Education does not change hearts-- it simply makes us aware.

God really spoke to me through these three avenues over the past week or two to get this message about education across to me. I am one who values my education greatly and am so glad to be here at Eastern working towards a degree. I have never been one to worry much about grades and am thankful that I do as well as I do. This message about education being great but not enough is one that has been sneaking up inside my heart for awhile. God has shown me many ways to better myself aside from sitting in the classroom. He has lead me out to help the poor and the weak and the lost. He has taken my hand and shown me a better way.

And since teaching others the good news isn't enough to change their hearts, we are called to go the extra mile- to love and to serve all of His people in His name and for His glory.

A few of those I love.

Just a small reminder to myself and others that God has placed people in our lives for different reasons. Let us always be grateful for this and loving towards those in our lives. Indeed, we were created for relationship and they deserve our utmost attention and committment.

Extraordinary Days

What comes to your mind when you think about extraordinary days? A ton of fun? A day filled with friends? An unlimited spending limit on a shopping spree? You name it.. we tend to guage our days on the excitement they are filled with.

I can't remember all of the details, but I recall a sermon that Ben gave on extraordinary days a few months ago. He spoke about how many of us walk through life just going through the motions of each day. Wake up, shower, go to work or school, dinner, homework, housework, sleep, REPEAT. Exciting? I think not. So what exactly makes extraordinary days? I have learned through the Word, my friends, my church and my everyday experiences that what makes days move beyond ordinary are not necessarily the events, but the mindset.

I am generally very intentional about choosing my mood when I wake up in the morning. Despite generally being sleepy and not wanting to crawl out of my warm blankets, I remind myself of all that I have been given, the opportunities lying ahead and the love in my heart. I thank God for all of these things and I pray for the strength to not lose this sight throughout the day. The days where I open my eyes to what He is delivering me are extraordinary. I read His word, I bring Him with me to class and to Hurley and to work. I allow Him to hold my hand and whisper secrets in my ear as we skip through the day. I sing His praises in my heart with the sight of the falling leaves and smiling faces.

And of course, there are other kinds of days. Those are the days where I wake up and am not intentional about my mindset. The days where I wake up and look at the list of things I have going that day and pray to get through them rather than grow through them. These days are not extraordinary. I would say they are even less than ordinary. It is during these days that I begin to doubt-- myself, my relationships, my capability. I lose myself for a brief while.

This is why I need to remember that no matter what I do with my days whether they are fun filled, full of challenges or scattered with mundane activities, when I focus on Him and remember how and why I am here, I have extraordinary days. Those lead to extraordinary weeks, and then extraordinary months and years and by the grace of God, the possibility for an extraordinary life.

"hey girl come with me"

I am a firm believer in the fact that when we open our eyes we will see God in so many ways and in all of our days. Now sometimes we can open them up on our own but other times He pries them open for us. Today was one of those days for me. But before He opened my eyes, He took my hand. Just before being pulled through the door I had time to grab my camera excited for what was to come!!

We walked through Eastern's gorgeous campus and down to Main St Willimantic. I had been down this road a ton of times before but never quite like this. Never with my eyes peeled to take in all of His good works. As we wandered back and forth between the main road and sign streets, I came across all sorts of "new" beauty. Gorgeous scenery at every glance rose above the broken glass or littered trash. His creation screamed out to me beyond the noise of the traffic and the honking horns. Here is some of what I found:

These are just a handful of the photos that I took. And had I had a video camera with me, you would be able to see the rest of the beauty that was happening all around me. Children laughing and playing at the park "You're it! You're it!!". People exchanging glances, smiles and small talk. The hustle bustle of the intersection suddenly stops as a man lets an old woman cross. Endless beauty. I could go on and on all day.

And to think I would have missed it had He not grabbed my hand and insisted that we take a walk. From now on I think will grab God's hand and ask Him to come along with me. That way, I won't miss out on the good stuff.

i just love quotes.

Here is a collection of quotes that I came across while looking up reflection exercises for service projects.

"A different world cannot be built by indifferent people." -Horace Mann

"If we do not act, we shall surely be dragged down the long, dark and shameful corridors of time reserved for those who possess power without compassion, might without morality and strength without sight." -Martin Luther King Jr.

"I believe that serving and being served are reciprocal and that one cannot really be one without the other." -Robert Greenleaf

"I believe we should fight for the unrealistic, rather than defend the unacceptable." -Bill Shore

"We do not learn from what we do. We learn from thinking about what we do." -Anonymous

Profound. Comforting. Challenging. Beautiful.

pasta and meatballs.

Tonight at Hurley they had pasta and meatballs for the first time this semester. It's so silly how something so small turned my night around, haha.

What if we always looked for joy in such small things?

resilient?

He never ceases to amaze me. God seems to speak to me through the books that I read more than anything else. If you have been reading my blog for awhile, you may remember my post on Being Afraid of Being Afraid. In that post, I mentioned how God had spoken to me through two different Christian books in just two days. Well, what do you know-- it has happened again.

This semester I am taking a course called Psychopathology of Childhood. We are learning about many different disorders as well as risk factors that children have to getting the disorders, so on and so forth. A theme that has come up that always catches my attention is resilicency. I can remember being in a support group in middle school with children who had alcoholic parents and the leader of the group telling me that I was extremely resilient. Of course at the time I had no idea what that meant so I nodded and smiled and thanked her (assuming it was a compliment since a smile and a huge hug followed the statement). Over the years, this topic has always caught my attention when it comes up and just recently I have been giving it a lot of thought.

Growing up I has a loving mother and a great sister whom I assumed as my responsibility when my parents got divorced. Those two ladies were my lifelines. I was without a father in my life for the most part, my mom had boyfriends moving in and out of the house, I got into the habit of cutting myself for awhile and I also tried to take away my life twice. (I have not been able to share this information publicly but feel that those who read this know me and love me and accept who I am. I also speak of it so matter of factly because it is apart of the past and has only made me stronger and helped me to move forward.) Now you may be thinking-- and how exactly does this qualify you as resilient?

You can take one look at me and talk to me for just a few minutes to find out that my attitude on life has completely turned around since the days when I didn't want to live. The times when I was so sad because I "didn't have a dad" or because "my mom didn't like me as much as she liked her boyfriend".

Little did I know then that it was God saving me again and again. It was Him preparing me to live the life He has called me to. I claimed to be a nonbeliever for years and years (maybe because of the pain I felt when I was younger) but it all makes sense now.

Mark Batterson in In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day puts it like this, "I'm convinced that the people God uses most are often the people who have experienced the most adversity...Adversity can produce an increased capacity to serve God." He goes on to explain that, "God wants to redeem the adversity you've experienced. He wants to recycle your adversity and turn it into a ministry..God is in the business of recycling our pain and using it for someone else's gain."

Batterson also clarifies that it is up to us to take on this ministry, because otherwise-- our pain remains just that-- painful. Also, the capacity in which we help others heal is largely related to the tough spots we have encountered.

WOW. Talk about my world being rocked. "No one rolls out the red carpet and invites tragedy into their life, but our greatest gifts and passions are often the byproduct of our worst tragedies and failures. Trials have a way of helping us redisocover our purpose in life." Remarkable.

God has been right there all along. Since the day I was born. I just never opened up my eyes to see Him. There have not been too many moments during my walk so far where I have stopped and said "ohhh yeah there He was way back then setting me up for now". But believe me.. this has opened my eyes big time. He has taken my pain and turned it into a ministry and I have finally agreed to follow through with it wholeheartedly. So.. resilient? Yes. Because of His love? You bet.

Dive in. Where were the places that you can look back to and see God now even though you couldn't then? I would love to hear your stories.

food for thought

*Your ultimate destiny and what you accomplish in life will in large part be determined by the way you choose to live life on a daily basis. The operating principles you adopt and the philosophies you apply determine who you become and affect what you accomplish. The old maxim is true. 'Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.'

Who we become basically is a composite of the habits we live by. These mold and shape our ultimate destiny in this life. Character is far more than mere thoughts. It is what we do, even when we are mistreated.

*To many people, life is a big experiment to determine what brings happiness and what brings pain and sorrow. Experience, though, can be a harsh teacher. God not only allows us to choose the wrong way, but He also insists we make our own decision. Yet most will not believe God knows best until they spend a lifetime learning from the ways of life that do not work. Living life on the edge with no absolutes can be a very unstable and painful process. Experiencing hard knocks and evil consequences from wrong decisions and actions is a very destructive, demoralizing and futile process.

God compels us to choose! Yet He wants us to choose the way that leads to real, lasting and eternal success. God challenges each of us: "I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live" (Deuteronomy 30:19).

( both of these points come from http://www.verticalthought.org/issues/vt09/future.htm )

*God wants you to get where God wants you to go more than you want to get where God wants you to go.

*Courage is doing what is right regardless of circumstances of consequences.

*It's our past problems that prepare us for future opportunities.

*The most important choice you make everyday is your attitude. Your internal attitudes are far more important than your external circumstances.

( these bits came from Mark Batterson's In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day )

Each of these statements have entered into my daily readings over the past few weeks and really just reinforce the truth in my decision that God is where I need to be centered. It is through Him that I can love, care, grow and simply be. With my eyes on Him, my heart constantly flooding with His love and my thoughts always going back to His grace, it is difficult to be down about any situation. It is also encouraging to know that this moment.. this day.. this life... is so much bigger than me.. right here.. right now.

getting into the groove

Since the TEXT series at SPCC, I have been working on getting back into the groove when it comes to reading the Bible regularly. It was very helpful when after one of the sermons we broke up into small groups and talked about our current strategies if we had any, and what our future plans were. We were asked to come up with a time and a space to read, as well as a plan for what we would read. In the past I had just opened up to any ole place or referred back to my favorite parts. While any reading is better than no reading, I have quickly learned that guided reading is the key. I certainly do not have it down perfect and never will, but I am learning that when I have a plan for what I will read, I am excited to dive into His word and read on in the story.

For the past two weeks I have followed a plan laid out on the SPCC website under one of the Bible Tools. It was two weeks on the life and teachings of Jesus and let me just tell you that each day I was amazed. There were many parts that I had heard before-- whether they were word for word or just referenced, but there were also a lot of new parts that filled in the blanks.

Next week I will begin reading on the life and teachings of Paul, and after that two weeks on the Old Testament which I am really looking forward to. I have barely read any of the Old Testament besides Proverbs and Psalms and an really looking forward to diving in.

I also need to move forward and develop specific times and places each day that I will read according to my plan. Although I do read everyday, it can sometimes be rushed between classes or done when I am very sleepy after work and right before bed.

But as always, Praise God. For giving me the disciplined and curious heart to learn more through His word.

What techniques work for you? Any suggestions on praying through the bible?

i find strength in my weaknesses
hope when i'm lost... love when i feel hated
i'm showered with grace when i least deserve it
sheltered or pushed ahead, depends on the day
perfect balance of come and go
light covers dark when i open my eyes
i am alive when i surrender my every moment..

looking back.

There is a song that we worship to at KidMo on Sunday mornings with the kids.. and I absolutely love it. The woman's voice is beautiful and the rhythm is so catchy. Most of the other songs are cute and the kids really enjoy them, but this one really grabs my heart and speaks to me. Perhaps it is because in a sense (well more than one) I am just like those children-- I am a new believer.

"Looking at where I was before... You've shown me so much more."

And my God it is so true. When dancing to this song with the kids we turn around and pretend to look back with our hands over our eyes while singing "looking at where I was before" and then turning around, opening our eyes and stretching out our arms singing "You've shown me so much more".

These past few weeks have been so wonderful and with each passing day I am more and more amazed at the changes He has made in me. At the beginning of my walk I began to become extremely grateful for almost everything. This was amazing to me because in the past I had been quite the semi-selfish grouch when it came to many things. Next, I felt Him really changing my heart and helping me to love everyone, including my enemies. That was my prayer at SPCC during the open doors ceremony.. to love my enemies. Wow, God took that prayer and answered it in a HUGE way.

Another drastic change has been in my thoughts for the future. Before I was saved, I had a plan for exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up, the kind of house I wanted to live in, how many children I wanted to have and what their names would be... you get the picture. Amazingly, He has called me to let go of all of that and open up my eyes to the possibilities that he has laid out in front of me. I'm often worried about missing God's calling for my life but was comforted today when I read, "God wants you to be where He wants you to be more than you want to be where God wants you to be." My point is, I am comfortable without knowing what tomorrow holds because I know that no matter what it is, He will be there.

I could go on and on about how I have been changed, grown and taught over the past 9 months, but none of it would do Him justice. I am just so thankful for His grace and greatness.

i miss my girls.

It is amazing how much I can miss children sometimes. These four girls that I babysat this summer have stayed in my heart since the day I came back to school. They are just beautiful little ones and I love them so much!

Sensory Overload.

October 1st.

Emma's smiling face, "Chelsea knock knock" I hear her say as the sound of her little feet pitter patter to the door. "Ood morning, how ah youuu?" she asks. What a beautiful way to start my days, such a beautiful child. Her mom leaves for the hospital instead of work this morning. Her little actress is about to make her way to the stage.

Baby enters the world. After all of this wait, Ralanna is here.. 9 lbs 8 oz, healthy as can be. Pictures reveal to me charcoal strands flowing in the direction of her gorgeous caramel face. Smiling mother, glowing and proud father, friends gather around to witness this miracle.

Four artists performing on a stage, one goal-- touch the audience. Inspire the uninspired. Visions of my future flash before my eyes and my heart is moved. The music stops, the scene ends, the lights go down. The door to my fears is slammed shut-- He calls me to proceed.

The cool night air whips through my window and breathes new life into my lungs. Fall is settling into our everyday. The leaves have changed. They dance their way to the ground as the wind flirts with their every move.

Words flow over this digital screen. A message from a friend warms my heart. A love like no other reminds me that we are real.

Bzzzzz, Bzzzzz. My phone vibrates. A number I've never seen before. "Hey Chels I just wanted to call and see how your night was going and talk to you about the shuttle to SPCC." Sigh. He is good.

He is good.

Here's to Hindsight

I finished a book called Here's to Hindsight by Tara Leigh Cobble just a few days ago and would like to share some cute, funny, inspiring, comforting yet challenging parts from her story. Here goesss:

*As I drove back from the show later that night, I looked across the street from my hotel and saw war veterans crowded outside a shelter. It occured to me, momentarily, how very wrong this seemed. They fight for our country-- they get to sleep and eat in a shelter. I sing a few songs on a stage-- I get a posh hotel room and room service. It's something I don't know how to reconcile.

*I tend to lose my priorities when emphasis is placed on fame and fortune. I am entirely capable of becoming full of myself, and when I am constantly asked if I am famous or if I have a tour bus, I tend to focus on my pride and my new worth. I don't like the person I become when I focus on those things. But a lot of people don't want to hear "the gospel of smallness," and how I want to learn to focus less on myself and more on Jesus.

*I have to remind myself that God did not call me to be a rockstar-- He called me to express my salvation through mysic. And there is a vast difference.

*That's one of my favorite things about God-- that He is big enough to take the good, the bad and the ugly, and work them all together like some big masterpiece for my good and for His glory.

This part reminded me of an earlier post from last semester which I believe is titled "and now it all makes perfect sense" where I completed a painting and talked about each of the elements having their own characteristics brought together under Jesus, because He is the answer.

Andddd my favorite quote from this book-

*I'd grown up around all of those rules and regulations, and I know that they are probably a good idea for kids, but when you're and adult and you're making your own decisions, living by rules pales in comparison to loving something in a way that shows the change in you.

This book was a short and easy and overall, a lot of fun. It was a breath of fresh air to me, kind of like having fellowship through reading another Christian's story about her good, bad and ugly and how God brings it all together for His kingdom.

before it's too late.

And the risk that might break you
Is the one that would save
A life you dont live is still lost
-Goo Goo Dolls

A song I have heard hundreds of times, sang as the top of lungs doing 80 down the highway, cried myself to sleep to in my bed... you get the picture. Tonight as I listen to this song, it hits me a different way.

I was reading The Irresistible Revolution a couple of months ago and came across a quote that really struck me-- "Most good things have been said far too many times and just need to be lived." Wow. Contingent upon hearing the lyrics above, this quote popped into my mind.

Until now I had always thought of the quote to be referring to "good things" as ways to treat others. As children of God, we are called to create His kingdom on earth. To rid the world of starvation, hate and poverty. Tonight I thought of this quote and realized that it means those things as well as others. We are often afraid to let go.. whether it is of the past, of a fear, of an unhealthy relationship.. whatever it is- we as humans have a tough time letting go. "And a risk that might break you could be the one that would save"... how powerful. We are to gain nothing unless we risk everything; until we let go. And that brings back the book Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus and about how we must leave the comfortable sidelines to seize divine moments.. because "a life you don't live is still lost."

It all comes together and fits into this tiny neat package.. at least for a moment. We are called to take risks, to love God, to love others, to love ourselves, to do His will, to bring His kingdom to this earth, to rid this planet of evil... to stop talking about doing great things and actually do them.

Now I am no expert risk taker who easily just throws things up in the air and says "God do what you will". But I need to be. I need to get out of this should phase where I sit and ponder what my life would be like if I really surrendered it all to Him. I have to just do it already.

That is who we are called to be.. "just be who you are, it's all that we need in our lives."

photos.

Just a few of my favorites. Great reminders that there is so much beauty in this world. We just have to make the effort to see it.

Philippians 4:1-13

Ever open up your bible to a random page and feel completely floored by what you read? I've thumbed through pages before, praying about what I will choose to read.. but tonight as I turned the pages I just stopped and landed upon part of Philippians 4. I traced back to the beginning of the chapter and am just amazed at how much it speaks straight to my heart in this moment.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again; Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things. Whatever you have learned, or receieved, or heard from me, or seen in me-- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:1-13

The first bolded part hit my heart hard about a situation I have been working through for the past week or so that surfaced again in a big way tonight. I stopped to pray and ask Him to put His will for this situation at the forefront of my heart, mind and soul. Reading this after that prayer was just an affirmation saying "Yes, Chelsea.. thank you for coming to me with this."

The second part I have bolded from this beautiful passage is something that is suggested throughout the bible, as clear as this and through other less direct messages. It was so great to read though, because I generally always look at the "well it could be so much worse" side of things rather than the "ahh this is terrible" point of view and quite frankly, it frustrates people. Lately, however, I have been falling into the second habit. This was a great reminder to constantly be grateful and never forget that I have tons of blessings around me and He is always showering me with more than I can open my eyes and heart to comprehend.

Quiet times like tonight really just rock my world.

Praise God.

PHP! get someeee.

Wow. The meeting has been over for 3 hours and it has taken me this long to even be able to try and put this feeling into words.

6:00- students start trickling into the Student Center Cafe and wearily ask if this is where PHP is meeting. Great!! People are showing up 15 mintues early.

6:10- I turn around to see a line out the door to sign in to the meeting.

6:15- Students are still coming in large groups to sign up to be apart of what was only a vision a year ago.

6:20- Nathan, Josh and myself stand up on the stage to introduce ourselves and look out to see all of the Cafe chairs filled and students standing as well as sitting on the floor- just flooding the meeting space.

Needless to say- we were blown away and far beyond excited. There are no words to describe the feeling. I can only imagine the way it must have felt for Nathan and Josh who were there when PHP was born a year ago. From a handful of students, to a small but dedicated group last semester, to a group of about 100 ECSU students all coming together to do meaningful service, to truly make a difference in this world.

This is such a blessing and I pray that God would bless this organization, the leadership and most of all-- the members.

The type of church service shouldn't matter. The kind of music, the length of the message, the clothes people are wearing, the building we sit it... none of that should matter. At church, if we are in a community that we feel challenged yet safe around, we should just sit and praise Him. Open our hearts to His love and recognize His place in our lives.

I spoke with a friend of mine tonight after the service at SPCC about the different style of music compared to the summer services at 6 oclock. I brought it up saying simply that it was different and that I prefered the worship style from the summer. My friend agreed and I suggested to her that she attend the 4 oclock which I believe has the same style that she is used to.

Thinking about it now, I am glad that it was different tonight and that I wasn't absolutely in love with it. It breaks the cycle of what is comfortable and makes me look past the singers and hear past the guitar and feel past the rhythm of the music. It forces me to remember why I am singing the songs in the first place rather than maybe just falling into the pattern of doing it.

Of course, when the worship team at SPCC is in the middle of "From the Inside Out" by Hillsong, there is a feeling I will never be able to describe and I often wish they just sang that song over and over but there is also a place for different styles, ones that we aren't used to and that take some trying to get into.

After all.. it is all about Him.

"Year in Preview"

At the beginning of each school year, I am emailed a copy of Housing's "Year in Preview" that is sent to all of the RAs. It is just that-- an overview of the deadlines and important dates of the year. Dates when residents move in and when we have training and when forms need to be handed in along with when we must perform room inspections and go to in-service workshops and when exams begin and move out dates and so on and so forth. All of that in one neat little PDF file like it is no big deal.

In a way, it really does describe the way a year goes-- it is here and gone before we know it. On the contrary, it is the exact opposite of what I feel sometimes.. that there is so much packed into each one those days! Classes, babysitting, meetings, duty, studying, programming, gyming, playing with friends.. just so much to look forward to! I can remember times when I layed down last year at the end of the day and just didn't want to sleep because I could get more done if I stayed up. Other nights I just couldn't fall asleep because I was so excited about what was to come, and of course there were nights where I fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow. But yet they all seem so trivial when lined up one after another with a designation next to each.

Looking at this year in review all planned out and clear cut on this form makes me less nervous about it all and encouraged to wake up and give each and everyday my all. To make them not just dates on a sheet of paper but changes in the lives of others as well as my own, and mistakes learned from and advances in my degree and my leadership... to make them count.

Anyone else psyched for this school year to begin?

seeking advice.

I just got done having a conversation with a person close to me that I should have known would go wayyy south. I need to know where the line is when it comes to talking about God and what it means for me to be a Christian. When people ask me questions, I like to answer.. imagine that. And for some reason, I always give this certain someone the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe he is genuinely intersted rather than trying to prove me wrong and stand correct that "there is no God and I should give up this gig."

It is not only with him however, but with other friends and family and sometimes even strangers. I don't parade around the streets yelling to the masses that I love Jesus, but sometimes I wonder why I don't. I then realize the sad truth that there are so many stereotypes for Christians just like any other group of people. Because of these, we watch our actions and the way we handle talking about our Lord in a certain manner to not "freak people out" or scare them away from the idea of this unconditional love.

I have read over and over in the scriptures that we are not to be silent about Him and we are to go out and spread the good news.

One of the desires of my heart is to lead people to Him in a non forceful but influential way. I generally wait for the topic to be brought up and then I am very careful to not get mad at the person or irritated with their views because (1) I remember where I was a year ago and it makes me bite my tongue and (2) that is not a very good way to channel my frustrations.

Any advice on where that line lies? Or experiences that you have had and would like to share? I could really use lots of help in this area.

soul revolution.

Just yesterday I began reading Soul Revolution by John Burke. The book was graciously given to me as a gift from two people whom I have grown to love and be very thankful for. Burke, the author of the book was one of the many inspiring speakers from the Leadership Summit which I attended last week. During his talk at the Summit, John Burke made mention of his book Soul Revolution along with an experiment that he tried in his church. 60/60. It's so simple-- set a watch or some kind of alarm to remind you once an hour to get connected to God. Wherever you are, whether you say it silently to yourself, scream it off of a rooftop or write it down, just get connected. Now do this for 60 days. Along the way, he had the members of his church share with each other the results after journaling on their own about it. Now there is an entire blog site dedicated to it at http://www.soulrevolution.net/ (check it out!)

Now I know that I said I just started reading the book yesterday.. and that I have just wholeheartedly commited to the experiment today, but I have to tell you that since the Summit, I can't help but be in somewhat constant conversation with Him. I don't think I could avoid it if I tried and that is so comforting. It has not even been a week since the Leadership Summit but I have been changed and there is no doubt about it. When we cling to Him and set our focus on His love we begin to view life in a whole new way.

Just yesterday when starting to read the book, John Burke suggests an exercise for us to learn the deepest desires of our hearts. One of the things that I wrote was to be accepted and respected by my sister (who has always been my best friend and we have had a tough summer together due to change being difficult to accept). Now the next part of this exercise was to try and decide if our deepest desires were those in God's heart. I had a few that I knew would definitely make His list, a few that I knew would NEVER make the list, and then a couple like the one about my sister-- ones that I want to believe would be important to Him since He wants us to be happy, but they also aren't what I believe to be His biggest concerns. In any event, after no prompting of the conversation, I got a series of text messages from my sister telling me that she loves me so much and is proud of all that I stand for. That she never meant to make me upset and that no matter how much I change, she will never leave me.

Wow. After a summer of tough discussions and feeling partly shunned by her, it was cleared up and healed. He sealed the deal within a matter of minutes and about 5 text messages (thank God for cell phones ;) ). And that is only one testimony to how I have seen Him in this past week.

Really guys, for all maybe 10 of you who read this (and that is being hopeful), I strongly encourage you to try this "experiment" and to read Soul Revolution. "I pray that whether a seasoned follower of Christ or a skeptic with just an ounce of willingness, that you will devote sixty days to see for yourself."

Do I think that I will connect every hour for the next 60 days? Of course not..it is all a process.. the idea is based on an ideal and we all know that we fall short of those. However, I pray that as the days go on I can get closer and closer and connect more often until it becomes a natural way for me.

Please, I am begging you to give it a try.. you won't be disappointed.

I did it.

Remember reading my posts back before summer started when I was terrified about coming home for various reasons? Well imagine this-- I am still alive and well... I did it!

With the Leadership Summit still fresh in my mind, I am continuing to process all of the information and encouraging words and there is no doubt that I am changed. I couldn't have imagined a better ending to my summer. There were hardships that varied in nature- losing friends, growing apart from others, many tears, being rejected, feeling lonely.. and the list goes on. But I wouldn't trade a second of it for the feeling I have in my heart right now in this moment.

I just left the house of a good friend of mine who I grew apart from after high school as we kind of expected. But Maddie and I had always had a friendship that could withstand the test of time and distance. We love each other so much and every time we get a chance to catch up (which isn't often) we just talk our little hearts out and get right up to speed. I have learned a great deal about friendships this summer and would say that I have definitely grown in the relationship department, something that was very difficult, but also so necessary. I no longer allow myself to be walked all over, but yet still make myself available when my old friends want to talk or need me. I am able to recognize now more than ever that everyone is in a process, and that the friends that we are meant to stay close to, we will-- through the test of time and the test of distance. I am so thankful for those in my life who love me unconditionally and support me and respect me all the while not having to agree with me.

I did it. I overcame my fear of being at home for the summer since it was inevitable that I would be here. I didn't have a choice of whether or not I wanted to be courageous enough to stand up to it. Everyday was something new. A new smile, a new child in my life, something totally silly with Ashley, a beautiful new experience with God, a new friend, an old friends warming smile, a brand of lonliness I had never felt before, the cold waves of the ocean over my body, the warmth of the sunshine on my back, the coolness of a rain shower on my skin, an argument with my mom... all apart of the process.

I can't wait to see what is in store for me for the rest of my days.
Some say that the best way to worship God is by being happy. I certainly am having no problem with that at the moment and want to say thank you to those of you who put smiles on my faces.. even when you may not know it.