I don't know how I am going to do this.

I have been looking forward to today for weeks. I would be going home to spend the day with Mom and Ash for Mother's Day. Those two ladies are my life and I love them with all of my heart. I have been missing them like crazy lately.

I got home around noon, gave mom her gift and then Ash and I took her to People's Forest for a picnic in the beautiful sunshine. Somehow, the conversation turned to money as it usually does and I was fed up. My car is broken again and desperately needs to be fixed, my dentist bill came in, my credit card bill is due soon and I need to start paying for car insurance again when I go home for the summer. Ahhhh! I am often very frustrated with the whole idea of money, especially the fact that I just don't have much of it to pay for the things I need to pay for. However, I was more frustrated that the day I had been so excited about had been casted over by a cloud of negativity.

Since I have accepted God into my life and begun to follow Jesus, I haven't been around my family much. They are still in awe that I am going to church and they haven't really seen the change and growth in me.

I felt like all of a sudden I didn't fit in with my family anymore. I felt like this summer is going to be very difficult. My mom was acting supportive of me and asking me about St. Paul's but then told me that she wants me to find a church near home because I shouldn't be driving out there every weekend. I told her that I was going to commute to St. Paul's because I love it there and have found a sense of family in that church. When it came to my sister, she kind of gave me the "where is my sister and what have you done with her" attitude. She was not mean to me or anything, just kept saying that it was so weird that I go to church and that she didn't want to come with me.

I don't know how I am going to do this. I have no idea how I am going to move through this summer. I will not just go through the motions that those at home expect of me. Going to work, eating dinner, going out to play pong at my friend's houses everynight. I refuse to just walk through the mundane parts of a day for the entire summer.

I will continue this walk that I started a few months ago. I will spend a lot of time reading and reflecting, listening to those who will talk and talking to those who will listen. I will appreciate each day that I am given and look through the hard times at the lessons that need to be learned. I will continue to grow and prepetuate unconditional love. I just really hope that I am able to open up my eyes everyday and see God in all that I do, because this summer is really going to be a challenge.

So, at the beginning of this post, I had no idea how I would do this, and I have since proposed some ideas for what I hope to do. That is one of the many things I love about blogging, journaling, having a talk with yourself, or a talk with God-- you usually come up with a possible solution or two, which is very very comforting.

Please leave suggestions as to how you think I can make this summer even more positive in spite of all of the resistance from others. I could really use your help. Thank you.